Another Epiphany or ... before I cremate this poem

As mentioned in my update post I did find the last two pieces of poetry I was working on quite difficult. Not in the sense that the writing didn't flow out of me, the draft below came together in one sitting and I think the rhythm and other sound elements was the reason for that.

No, what I found was that during subsequent revisions (which only made this piece worse if you can imagine that) was that something felt off.  Something that I couldn't put my finger on.  Read on and I let you know what I realized at the end.

It rises, a monolith of red arkose and if a rose and not a rock we’d be tempted to brush off the importance of a name. Naming things possesses them whether by and for one man or more a name gives power over thought and story. And what is story, but tales of passion, glory; a song, a book, a record of everything that shook our lives and made us.

No. Naming is the first salvo shot the first stone slung, the first break of bone in a battle fought in a war long forgot. And if you should think a flower free to smell just as sweetly whatever name we chose - remember too we’ve fought wars between those.

So my epiphany was that although there was a nice rhythm and sound elements that I found appealing (perhaps too appealing) I allowed myself to be dragged off by those elements and distracted from the subtle to the grandly moralistic/didactic.

Pretty much anybody could have written this piece, it hits you over the head with the concept that names are important.  The only real bit of interest is in the first stanza and a much subtler and more personally relevant poem could have been written around this kernel of an idea ie Ayers Rock/ Uluru.

So the lesson to myself is that as a poet I should focus on the small and the subtle and let that speak/suggest much larger ideas/themes.  Or if this isn't the case i.e. compression of ideas in the Tardis like abilities of the poem then at least I will have and distinct and crafted creation, something that comes alive in a reader's head.